My favorite quote on Love comes from
the great wordsmith, Mark Twain.
“Love
is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”
I was writing last
week about the insecurity in the face of life’s challenges and how hard it can
be to deal with them. I think the areas
of sex and intimacy highlight how important physical relations can be for one’s
self confidence. One of the worst
feelings is a sense of self-disgust, and we all take in a lot of our self-image
from how people, and family in particular, act towards us.
Is there a worse
feeling than thinking your spouse sees mostly your condition when they see
you? Who wants this to be the first
thing their spouse thinks of when thinking about them? True or projection of fears, how does one
move beyond these feelings?
So often with chronic
illness in the family, it seems easy for the desire to be lost in the day-to-day
bustle and hassles. It is easy to think
the love felt for each other will always endure. It is easy to allow feelings of exhaustion
crowd out expressions of enthusiasm.
What happens when expressing these feelings comes with a load of
expectations? Worse, what happens when
one side thinks the expressions are obligations? Who would want that? The spousal relationships should be a source
of strength and rejuvenation, a source of energy not a drain or a worry.
Having children with
special needs is not very different. I
was at a seminar last year where the speaker quoted a stat saying almost 60% of
parents of children with special needs divorce.
I am torn on the stat as that is not terribly different from everyone
else, but at the same time, it underscores a trap in which it seems easy to
fall.
My wife and I have
long been in the expressed opinion Valentine’s Day should be how we treat each
other every day, but taking this approach walks a dangerous line. Over the years, my thoughts have tended
towards this line of thought being backwards.
I think it better to believe every day should be like Valentine’s Day
with rushes of intimacy in a glance, a smile or those wonderful moments of
physical intimacy.
For all those finding illnesses in
the family have taken some of the luster from their relationships, I will end
with words from another great wordsmith, Paul Simon:
Hang
on to your hopes, my friend.
That is an easy thing to say,
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend that you can build them again.
That is an easy thing to say,
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend that you can build them again.
- A Hazy Shade of Winter
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I like these honest thoughts about love and a chronic illness. As we age, I hope we still see who we married inside.
Thank you.
A couple of months later, I still go back to this post as one of my favorites. I often have a hard time expressing myself in the mad crush of the day to day. I just hope there are always times of reflection to remember, celebrate and relive/rekindle the foundation upon which our family survives.
Truth told though, I don't think J has ever read this. lol At least once written I can try to insert them into random moments and appear romantic. I actually thought of printing this and putting inside a card for our anniversary next week...
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